


Moments in time

by phoenixrebirth88



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-04-24 02:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixrebirth88/pseuds/phoenixrebirth88
Summary: Brief collection of moments in time collected from the start of the Mariemaia incident.





	1. Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own GW.

The best day of the year was the day you got your tattoo - a beautiful image of a butterfly slowly unfolding its wings while its now empty cocoon remained on a small branch. It was an image that would remind you that you should never lose hope because every day something could be reinvented and circumstances could change for the better. 

The worst day of the year wasn’t that much later - the Mariemaia incident. It shocked the higher-ups out of the bubble they had wrapped themselves in and reminded them that evil things still lurked free in this false dream of peace. The Preventers weren’t enough to prevent these uprising from happening or to stop the black market trading fire arms and other dangerous machinery.

You had known it long before that moment, though. Hell, you had foreseen something like this even, but you had never imagined the gravity of the impact it would have on your life. It was because of that incident, that you realized the Preventers just wasn’t the right organization for you. They would always be bound by rules and laws, something that you considered restrictive for they were unable to foresee and take down threats as effectively as they would be if not for those restrictions. 

It was common sense that made you realize that there was only one thing left to do - you would have to become what the Preventers couldn’t be. You would forget about any possible life you could built for yourself, would have to sacrifice your own peace for that of the world - a world where _he_ wouldn’t have to fight in anymore.

It was a sacrifice which was surprisingly easy to make.


	2. Exit

“Why don’t you stay with the Preventers?” Sally questioned as you packed your possessions into a small brown box. 

“It’s not an organization meant for me,” you merely answered. 

“You thrive here.”

“I don’t.” 

You were meant to be on your own, especially for the goal you had set for yourself. 

“Then what will you do?” she questioned. 

“Find where I do belong.” 

Or at least find a way to help maintain this fragile peace. 

“[Name],” she sighed out, but you didn’t want to hear it. 

You left the office that had once been yours. Sally followed, her new partner already waiting in the hallway. Wufei had always held your admiration, something no one except maybe Sally knew – which was only because she was a very observant woman. You knew he would watch her back now that you couldn’t anymore. 

“Why don’t you try?” Sally questioned, noticing you had stopped. 

“I do try.” 

Your hand moved towards your side, a barely there brush against the inked skin it hid from sight. 

“It doesn’t feel like you do.”

“Then maybe you don’t know me as well as you once thought.”

With that said, you walked away from the life you once knew. You walked away from the few friends you had held dear and the one man you had come to love - a man that simply never noticed you.


	3. Gratefulness

You became a hidden asset, never quite letting go of the bonds you had forged long ago. Une would receive data exposing crimes against humanity or possible threats against peace. She would sent a two man team, usually Sally and Wufei, to verify the threat. Then chaos followed, leaving the streets a bit safer to walk on once the dust settled again. 

“I know we don’t know each other that well,” you began, knowing Wufei was listening even though his gaze never left the building in front of him. “But I want to thank you for looking out for her,” you continued, your own gaze shifting towards the building that would soon become chaotic. A barely there glance from him was your only answer. You knew, though, what he wanted to convey to you. 

“I know that’s what partners do.”

It was also what friends did, but you hadn’t been a good friend lately. 

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.”

Sally was the only one you still considered a friend, the only one that considered you a friend - even after she barely saw you anymore. 

More agents began to gather. Soon, another secret organization would know its downfall.

“You’re an honorable man, Wufei,” you continued, a soft smile on your lips. “I’ve always admired that about you.”

It was the last thing you said before the chaos began. It was also the first time you admitted this to anyone.


	4. Change

This was your life now, one you both hated and accepted. You had grown accustomed to always being on guard, never trusting anyone. It was taking its toll on you, though, hardening you and forcing the girl you had once been into hiding. Walls of anger and despair containing all you had ever wanted and thought.

“You know you can always come back,” Sally mentioned when she looked you over. 

It had been eight months since you had last seen her. She had changed a lot, you noticed with sadness. A quick glance to her left told you that her partner had changed a great deal as well. He was all the more the man you knew he could become, a man you could admire for all the right reasons. 

“I can’t.”

There was nothing there for you anymore. 

“We all miss you.”

A lie. Most of them were glad to be rid of you. 

“No, you don’t.”

“[Name].” She sounded exasperated.

Wufei was watching this interaction with a look you couldn’t place, one you didn’t want to keep thinking on. 

“You’re not here to argue with me over that,” you quickly shot out. 

Wufei placed a hand on Sally’s arm, telling her without words to drop this argument for now. There were, after all, other things to focus on at this moment. 

“I miss the woman you used to be,” she whispered as you lead the way to another job for them. 

You ignored her, even though you silently agreed with her. You missed that woman as well.


	5. Lost

As time passed, people became more distrustful of others and criminal organizations took more time and effort to hide their actions. It took you longer to infiltrate. 

Your heart knew no rest and your sadness grew with each day that passed. It hurt to see the changes in those few you cared for whenever they caught up with you. It hurt to see that they were moving forward when you were hanging still, too caught up in the guilt the world had left you with ever since you had decided to walk this road. 

“[Name]?”

“Why do you two always come?” you questioned softly, knowing Wufei was asleep in the other room. There was a brief pause, then your answer, “I requested it.”

That explained why she always came, but why did Wufei follow? Was it because he was her partner? Was it because it was expected of him? 

“Why?”

“It’s the only chance I have to see an old friend.”

“I’m not such a good friend.”

“You’re merely lost.”

Was that it? Did that explain this dead feeling inside of you? 

“Maybe,” you agreed, your voice so soft that you wondered if she heard you. 

A soft noise in the other room alerted you that Wufei wasn’t as asleep as you thought him to be.


	6. Weak

You needed to let this go, needed to move on and focus on the life you now lived. You knew you needed to, but you just couldn’t. Hope was too stubborn an emotion to be rid of easily. 

“Do you still believe you didn’t belong?”

You didn’t answer her, didn’t bother justifying the way you thought. 

“Even Une speaks highly of your skills and your efforts in keeping the peace.”

You didn’t care how Une thought about you or your skills.

“When will you tell me the real reason you left?”

“I didn’t belong.”

The silence told you she didn’t believe that lie anymore, if she ever had. 

“When will you stop lying to me?”

“It’s the way I feel.”

“Even if you know that it’s not true?”

“I don’t belong.”

“Why not?” she pushed, this time not giving up. You sighed, your gaze locked on the darkness outside of the window. 

“Because I’m weak, and he hates the weak.”

You left her staring at your retreating back as you went to check the perimeter.


	7. Belonging

Moments like these were fleeting. You knew that. Time never stopped passing. You weren’t the same person that left all those months ago. Wufei didn’t seem to care one way or another, something that hurt too badly to be put into words. Your love for him would never end, and his indifference of you would never change. 

Those things only solidified that this was the only place for you. This was the only way you could ever hope to become someone that mattered to him. Perhaps in the process, you could achieve what others would have sacrificed too much for. 

“What will you do when we catch them?” Sally questioned softly, her back against the nearby wall. She watched you carefully, but you barely reacted to her question. 

“I’ll move on.”

A deep sigh.

“It’s been three years already. Why don’t you come home?”

You grumbled, not very pleased with this conversation. 

“Home is a hollow word, Sally. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“There was a time you didn’t believe that.”

True, but that was the same time that you still believed you would end up with the man you loved …

“Things change, as do people.”

She was quiet after that. You knew she hadn’t given up on convincing you. She was merely abiding her time. 

“I don’t belong there anymore,” you finally whispered, your gaze shifting away from the window you were leaning against, focusing on the only sign that there was supposed to be three of you in this room. Sally understood what you meant, even if you didn’t outright say anything about it. 

“You need him in order to feel like you belong?”

“No.”

A lie, one you both understood it as.


	8. Failure

“Don’t listen to him. He’s angry at the mess this became.”

But it wasn’t just this mess he was angry about. You knew he was angry with you as well. You had failed him.

“He’s right, though.”

“It’s not your fault,” she tried again, her voice stern. 

Your gaze briefly met hers, the pain in your eyes making her gasp. 

“They should’ve listened to what you said.”

“But they didn’t,” you sighed out, regretting the lives that were lost because of that. 

“No, they didn’t. That makes it their fault though, not yours.”

“I know.” 

But knowing that didn’t amend the guilt you felt, nor did it change the pain and sadness you felt as Wufei’s angry words kept echoing through your mind. 

“We all appreciate what you do.”

“I don’t do it for the appreciation.”

A half lie. You did it for one man’s appreciation, something that clearly wasn’t meant for you to have.

“I know.” 

She sounded wistful, as if she, too, wanted things to be different. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t come next time. Let other agents handle this.”

“He wouldn’t let that happen.”

Those words were the last she spoke before she left the room, leaving you torn. You knew who she was referring to, but you couldn’t believe it to be possible. Nevertheless, she had said it. Sally never said something she didn’t mean. Did that imply he wanted to come because of you, or because he didn’t want any other agent to possibly screw up these delicate situations?

It seemed to be more likely that it was the second. 

Even while your heart’s whispers longed for it to be the first …


	9. No more

“Did I ever have a chance?”

Your voice was soft, your fragile emotional state clearly detectable. He stopped, though he didn’t turn to face you. 

“With you, I mean.”

You hadn’t needed to explain, but you couldn’t stand the seemingly endless silence. 

“No.”

It hurt. You had known it all along, but hope was a foolish believer. It lingered even through the darkest nights. You sighed, watching him walking away. Before he left the room, though, you spoke once more, “Thank you for your honesty.”

He stopped briefly, though he didn’t speak another word. 

“It’s better to hear the painful truth then to be lied to,” you whispered in answer to his unspoken question. 

After all, you had been lied to too many times. Without another word, he was gone. 

And with him, so left the last of your hope.


	10. Old

Time passed. You nearly did too. Twice you had faced death, but twice you had survived. This life style was wearing you down, your body losing its constant battle with time. You weren’t the woman you used to be and your body wasn’t as healthy as it had once been. 

Scars painted your flesh just as much as your tattoo did. Every time you looked upon them, you hated yourself more and more. You were growing bitter, angry at the world. Sometimes you even wondered why you still tried.

“You’re starting to look old, my friend,” Sally greeted when your paths crossed once more. 

“Old,” you muttered bitterly, not having any real come-back to her greeting. 

She frowned, but refrained from speaking. Your gaze shifted from her to her partner. He seemed different this time, less fierce almost. 

“Heed this old woman’s words then,” you began as you lead the way to yet another abandoned warehouse that could function as a fall-out base, “This is going to be a rough one.”

The silence that followed carried enough emotion to let you know they understood what you meant.


	11. Reasons

“Why do you do this?” 

The question was expected, but not the person asking you it. Onyx eyes carefully watched you as you answered him. 

“Because someone has to.” It didn’t seem right to leave it at that. “And because I thrive here.”

It wasn’t exactly right. You didn’t thrive here, at least not in a personal sense. Your emotions were growing dull, your longing for things others considered normal long since over. 

This existence was all you had left now. 

“You don’t.”

It surprised you that he called you out on your lie. He had never done so before. Only Sally had. You sighed deeply. 

“I have nothing to lose,” you whispered, your voice so soft it was a miracle he heard. 

“So this is your search for death?” 

He sounded strangely angry. 

“No. It’s my search for a purpose.”

“To your life?”

Now he sounded concerned, his tone once more gentle. It confused you. He had never before tried to hold a conversation with you that wasn’t directly linked to the threat you had alerted them to. 

“To their pain. One I hope to ease slightly.” He was quiet after that. You weren’t done talking though. “They represent the future, Wufei. People’s future shouldn’t be so bleak, no matter where they come from.”

The way he regarded you now made you feel slightly uneasy, the look in his gaze one you had hoped to see years prior. Now, though, you just wished he would stop.

“That is an honorable cause to fight for.”

You couldn’t help but laugh humorlessly at that. At one time, you might have actually felt better after hearing him say something like that. Those times, though, were long since passed. Instead of feeling happy, you merely felt lost and angry. 

“I’m far from honorable, Wufei,” you simply told him as you got up and walked away. 

You weren’t walking away from him. 

No, you were simply consumed with a sudden need to prepare for things to come.


	12. Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick update on the side to this one.

“Did you even sleep?”

You frowned, unhappy with his constant questioning. You were used to him not trusting you, but this felt different. These questions were of a more personal nature somehow, almost as if he was trying to figure something out about you. 

“Yes.”

It was a lie. You barely slept at all these days.

“Would you even tell me if you didn’t?” 

You shot him a wry smile. “Probably not.”

The concern in his gaze felt out of place. You didn’t like seeing it there. 

“Where is Sally?”

His gaze shifted towards the bathroom of the rundown apartment you were all staying in. Things stayed silent for a few seconds, before you finally felt brave enough to ask the one thing that still mattered to you, “Is she happy?”

“Shouldn’t you be asking me that?”

You stiffened, but refused to turn around and look at her. 

“Are you?” 

“Mostly, yes.” That was all that mattered to you. “Though I would feel better if you came back with us after this.”

“You know why I can’t.”

“You know your excuses are just that.”

A brief glance to your right proved that Wufei was none the wiser. You sighed deeply, shook your head, and left them both staring at your retreating back. 

“It’s not meant for me,” you muttered to yourself, certain that your only way to go was forward. Going back would change nothing.


End file.
